apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
