i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do herpes really smell.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
