remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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