he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
