Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
