It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
