Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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