Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You took a bar mat shot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
