I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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