In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
