I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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