ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
