you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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