Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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