I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away