look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher