you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
