oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair