She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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