no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.