my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero