he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
