Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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