did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
