good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
