I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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