just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
