you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
