I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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