yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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