just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
