fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
