If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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