I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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