I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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