ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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