there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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