My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
