found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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