we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
