how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
