i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
