he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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