yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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