I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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