OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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