I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
