Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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