Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
