If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
