He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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