But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
