It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
