We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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