woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
