As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
whose parrot is this?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
