Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
