Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
