Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize