On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
