Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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