Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
