Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
