I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
